Up, up, here we go

This afternoon, me and my friends Kamille and Chesca were out and about in the school campus. Students were by the parking lot where the rides were for the annual school fair. I just didn’t feel the end of the day, because my classmates kept teasing me. I rarely get pissed off since I do the same to my classmates, but I was just so tired and I didn’t want to talk any longer.

Me and my friends went to the place at the side of the chapel, which was like a mirror and sink area. The area was open and I sat on the rocky bench in front of the mirror and sink thing, and I laid down. I looked up to the sky and focused it on a bit, and in about two minutes or less they were ‘moving.’ I really like seeing the sky ‘move’. I know that the sky doesn’t move, because it’s just the rotation and revolution of the Earth.

Anyway, as I hypnotised myself through staring into the open (aka the sky), I noticed that there were clouds sort of forming into people. It felt like a hallucination, even though I haven’t experienced a hallucination -- or maybe I think I haven’t but I’ve had. Creepy. These clouds forming were practically moving and going from here and there, mimicking a form of a human. I missed seeing shapes in the sky, the way I see shapes and random things, because the sky reminds me of the times we used to travel going to the province and back. It feels so peaceful and relaxing. 

This is an effortless blog post. I just wanted to share how I feel about the endless sky. It feels great.

Day 18 of 365

Why you made your blog, why you still have it

I made a blog (I’m referring to the original one, my tumblr) because I wanted to vent and express myself without having anyone to babble about how my opinion sucks, or how my opinion on things doesn’t matter because I’m just a kid. I really hate being underestimated. I also made my blog to create memories so I could look back and see how much my writing (and my life) has improved for the past few days, weeks, months, or even years.

I still have my blog because I know that there will be a lot more exciting things to come in my life, and I would like to inspire other people with my journey. 

Sportsfest 2013

Day 17 of 365

Your idol and why you look up to them

Can we please make that *idols?

Your idols and why you look up to them

Better. Here are my idols and reasons why I swoon over them, or perhaps adore them very much.

Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson

I love Emma Watson sooooooo much! Like what I said, she’s my spirit animal and girl crush. I admire her and I’ve loved her since Harry Potter. She’s such a sweetheart and I think she’s very lovely. She’s simple and she isn’t controversially complicated. She’s just, bam, simple. What I love the most about her is how much of a darling she is -- it’s not that I know her personally or anything, but that’s how she seems. I want to meet her soon!

One Direction

I love them to bits and I have a soft spot for Zayn. The reason why I look up to them is because I love their music and they’re just so… perfect. I wanna meet them soon and I have a chance, because my aunt’s paying for me and my sister’s VIP tickets once they announce their concert! Scoooooore. They’re inspirational because of their stories and they are just so perfect.

Steve Jobs

Being an Apple fan and enthusiast since I got Snowy, my MacBook Pro, I’ve admired Steve Jobs. I’ve read his biography in 2011 and I was amazed by his passion to change the world, thus inspiring me to achieve something as big as his accomplishments. I really want to be like him someday and he’s my motivation whenever I feel like giving up on things.

The thought that this so-called phase of fangirling over these people -- these people you haven’t met but have known since forever -- will end soon haunts me. It’s like my whole life has revolved around them for the longest time. I love them to pieces. It fascinates me what it would be like if I’d have children in the future and they discover my time capsule (to be blogged about soon!) and they see photos, albums, and posters of these unfamiliar faces, then I’d tell them how Mummy discovered the people who inspired her. 

Day 16 of 365

Someone you trust

This is hard.

It’s because I’ve been betrayed by a lot of people I considered ‘friends’, and recalling and looking back kinda hurts. Despite of what I’ve experienced, I still trust a few people. Automatically include God and family in the list of people I trust.

I trust my friends… who am I kidding? Out of 10, 10 being the highest, my trust for them ranges from 3 to 6. I really don’t trust much of them. I really don’t. I try to, but I can’t. It just doesn’t feel right and I don’t think they’re that trustworthy. 

But gladly, last year I’ve become super close with a sophomore who’s been my friend for ages. I got the chance to know her better because of the interests we share, and she’s prety much the best venting buddy ever.

Meet Jiona.

Basically, she and I go to the same school and we probably became acquaintances back in grade school. I think we became close when she was a freshman and I was a sophomore. We shared our love for Harry Potter occasionally until I found out just last summer that she likes One Direction too! She’s like my soulmate and at the same time she’s like the little sister I never had. 

She’s my venting buddy, and usually we vent out everything through DMs on twitter. She’s a very, very lovely person once you get to know her. She’s sarcastic like me… and we’re so much alike. Jio’s the type of person you’d want to befriend if you’re a new student and she’s your classmate. She likes indie which makes her stand out from everyone else. She is very creative and imaginative, which is something I like about her. She can be funny sometimes, and I try to appreciate that, too. Haha!

Anyway, she’s one of the people I love and care about the most. I trust her, too. This might seem like we’ve had a ‘thing’ before, but truth be told, the farthest we’ve been is just being very close friends. I’m saying this because someone asked me anonymously on ask.fm a few hours ago, and it made us laugh.

I trust her because she can keep any secret I tell her, and she doesn’t judge me unlike my other ‘friends’. She’s a simple person, and she makes me feel comfortable. I trust her because I know she trusts me, which is important, too.

Movie Mayhem: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I finally watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower today! I’d like to say thank you to Fiona for lending me her DVD. I just feel so accomplished right now as a Wallflower (The Perks fandom’s name for a fan I assume, since I liked their page on facebook).

Mind you, I’ve been a fan of The Perks even before the movie came out. When I heard about this book way back when it was reprinted and republished, I instantly wanted to get my hands on the book ASAP. I really found the title interesting. I read the book last August and it was the first-ever book I’ve reread! That’s a big thing for me, to be honest. I really don’t reread books because I want to explore more and more good things, because if you’re stuck loving and fangirling just over 1 book, then I think you’re missing out. 

Anyway, I watched the movie with my sister and it was splendid. I was smiling the whole time, because I could see the book coming to life right in front of my eyes. I felt every emotion Charlie was feeling in every scene, and the feelings I felt when I was reading the book came back and just hit me. I felt so good watching it that my vision was getting a bit cloudy. I didn’t realise that watching the first 33 minutes of it was making me tear up. I was literally craving to watch this for 4 months, and today I got the chance.

Let me list down a few things I loved about it:

• PERFECT CAST. Period.
• The plot was fabulous. Even though they removed a few parts that were mentioned in the book (such as the car ride), I still loved it! I loved the Rocky Horror Picture Show so much.
• Emma Watson (aka girl crush and spirit animal) spoke in an American accent!!! She executed it flawlessly, which makes me love her even more!
• They recognise all sorts of love, which I highly appreciate.
• Ezra Miller was sooooooo perfect! I imagined Patrick as a funny person with short brown hair and a beautiful gaze, but Ezra surpassed that! His curly locks made me fall in love.
• Paul Rudd as Mr Anderson, the English teacher, was so fine. When I read the book, I pictured Noah Wyle as Mr Anderson, but Paul Rudd did awesome! He’s so good looking for his age.
• I DON’T KNOW MAN THE WHOLE MOVIE WAS SO FINE I JUST

Apart from Harry Potter, The Perks is my all-time favourite book and movie! I beg Stephen Chbosky to create a sequel for this -- focusing on college and Charlie’s love life maybe? That would be fabulous. If there won’t be any sequel, I just hope Stephen Chbosky writes another book. He sure does know how to touch a person’s heart with his books and films. Bless.

Day 15 of 365

A song that makes you cry and why

I’m an emotional person, so listening to songs I can really relate to pierces my heart and makes me cry. I’ve stumbled upon beautiful songs that have made me tear up a bit in the past year, most of which are Ed Sheeran songs (such as Small Bump -- I really cried). But out of the 610 songs in my iTunes, there’s this one song that makes me cry no matter what.

It’s none other than Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle.

I chose a lyric video instead of the official music video, so you’d be able to read the lyrics, and find out why tears stream down my face whenever this comes up in shuffle.

This songs makes me cry because I consider this me and my dad’s song. I was in second grade when my parents brought me and my sister to school and I heard that song play in the car. “It’s called Butterfly Kisses,” I recall my mum telling me the title.

These lyrics really hit the spot and made me cry:

She'll change her name today

She'll make a promise and I'll give her away

Standing in the bride room just staring at her

She asked me what I'm thinkin'

And I said I'm not sure

I just feel like I'm losin' my baby girl

It fascinates me how at a young age, lyrics like these make me realise the reality and cycle of life. It’s just plain sick. And cool. My dad teases me occasionally on how I might be having a secret relationship and I’m not telling him. 

I love how comfortable my relationship with my dad is. Last 2012, we kind of hit the rocks and our relationship wasn’t as good as it used to be. I love how this year’s becoming kind of okay for us.

PS, I had problems about my weight again, since my mum let me wear a sleeveless top, exposing my big arms. I told my dad how insecure I felt about my appearance, and guess what he told me?

“But are their faces beautiful?”

His words gave me hope. I love my dad so much, and I know that I can be a jerk to him and vice versa, but I really don’t know what I’d do without him!

Day 14 of 365

Write about something you believe in, anything at all

I believe in a lot of things. If I list them all down, it would take an eternity, so I chose three things: God, love, and dreams. It’s my version of God, glory, and gold respectively.

Firstly, I believe in God. I was raised a Catholic by my God-fearing parents. My family, specifically my mother’s side of the family, are quite religious; we pray the rosary every night and we pray for guidance and protection. For people who are ‘lukewarm’ about their faith or for those who don’t believe in a higher power, they might laugh at this. But I tell you, believing in God has humbled me as a person. Of course we need to be humbled; it helps us remember the fact that we’re still human and we make mistakes, and just because we’ve accomplished whatnots doesn’t mean we should be mean or something.

Second, I believe in love. Let me elaborate that, yeah? I believe in all kinds of love. ‘Love knows no boundaries,’ they say, which I strongly believe in. I don’t care about sexuality, but no, I am not pansexual. I just think that love conquers all (scoooore for another quote!) and  everybody has the right to love whoever they want. I’ve heard the strangest love stories and I love how everyone has a different story to tell.

Lastly, I believe in dreams. Dreams coming true, to be specific. The only thing that’s limited, according to a quote, is our perception of what’s possible. Dreams do come true, and its transformation from dream to reality will progress tens, hundreds, or even a thousand faster if we have the ability to believe even though we know it’s kind of high.

Out of the box

Guess who was scrolling through her news feed out of boredom, trying to look for something interesting or blog-worthy? Yup, you guessed it right… me. I really wasn’t expecting to find something ‘blog-worthy’ because these are the typical things I see aren’t… nice. Or decent. Or cool.

Day 13 of 365

Your favourite quote

I have lots of favorite quotes! One of the best ones go, “Don’t let the sadness of the past and the fear of the future ruin the happiness of your present”. I really, really like motivating and inspirational quotes, so yeah. This helps me stay sane because I over-think a lot.

Here’s my a few quotes from my collection of my favourite quotes. I do hope you like them and feel inspired the way I do!

Day 12 of 365

The best advice you’ve ever heard, or ever been given 

“It’s better to try and fail than to fail without trying.”

I forgot where I saw that quote. It’s pretty much the most motivating I’ve seen yet, mainly because it kind of implies that failure isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing, if you learn to see the bright side of everything. Failure is equal to experience. I once heard someone say that success is getting what you want; and not getting what you want (aka failure) is called experience. Something like that. 

It’s true, it is better to try and fail than to fail without trying. Failures shape us and teach us lessons we could either take or leave. If failure doesn’t exist, we will all be equal. We’ll all be like robots, because we’re all the same. Nobody’s better and nobody’s worse. You may kind of think that this is a good thing, but it’s not. Nobody will stand out; nobody will be different. 

And you know what that means? 

Nobody will be creative. At all. 

Nobody will find ways to succeed, because we’re all equal -- in other words, we have everything everyone else has. That’s sad. Life wouldn’t be as exciting as it is! 

Don’t you get it? Without mistakes, we’ll all be perfect. That’s the saddest thing ever, if you’d ask me. We should be thankful that this game of life contains failure and mistakes because without it, we would forget the feeling of happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, frustration, joy, and whatever feeling there is! Like what I told you, we’ll all be robots if that happens. And that’s scary.

I kind of got carried away. Sorry.

Day 11 of 365

The worst advice you’ve ever heard, or ever been given


“Don’t mind them.”

I don’t consider it as the worst, but I really think this is the weirdest advice ever. I mean, imagine your little sister or brother running to you as they come home from school, telling you they’ve been bullied throughout… and all you’ll do is pat them softly, smile at them and give them that advice? ‘Don’t mind them?’

You can pretty much assume that I’m exaggerating things here. You’re both right and wrong. Right because there are much better advices you could give your sibling. Wrong, because advices isn’t the topic right now -- it’s the worst advice. In my case, I consider it weird.

I really think that’s the weirdest advice because that can mean different things to different people. “The message sent is not always the message received,” says our enduring understanding (guide quotes in school) in English.

True, because for one kid, ‘don’t mind them’ can mean ‘do your own thing and just carry on’, which is right. But for another, it can mean, ‘just don’t give a flying fuck and do whatever the fuck you want’, which isn’t right. It can mould a child -- and an adult too -- to think that whatever they’re doing is okay as long as they don’t let anyone ruin them, even if it’s morally wrong. It’s quite hard to explain, but I do hope you understand.

Day 10 of 365

Things that make you happy

I love the fact that this is an endless list of everything I love and adore. I love how this will be a much more significant list than the previous one (things that make you sad), and how I will remember this more than the other.

Still, I will do this bullets style. I won’t elaborate that much or else I might go out of topic, and I wouldn’t want that.

• Cold weather
• Lullabies
• Family
• Real friends
• Meeting and befriending people from all over the world
• Exploring
• Movies
• Caramel-flavoured coffee
• The smell of books
• Bookstores
• Time capsules
• Gadgets (specifically those of Apple since I’m an Apple enthusiast)
• my iPod shuffle
• notebooks
• WiFi (hashtag antisocial)
• Talking in front of an audience (the adrenaline rush I get is magical)
• Nice handwriting
• Beautiful jumpers
• Strangers smiling
• Compliments from unexpected people
• Books

Yeah, so those are a few of all the things that make me happy. 

Livestrong

A few nights ago, I was watching the late night news with my parents. There was an exclusive about Lance Armstrong, a world-renowned cyclist who battled cancer throughout his whole career. I knew him as the guy behind the yellow ‘livestrong’ ballers and nothing more. My dad had one of those ballers and he passed it to me. I think I returned it to him and he probably broke it. 

I knew nothing about the cyclist. I didn’t know anything about his cycling career or anything; I grew up recognising him as an inspirational person, because I heard that he had cancer, testicular cancer, and he still went on with his life, and he inspired people along the way. My dad liked him until the news of Lance doping spread like wildfire. “He’s an idiot,” my dad remarked. My dad doesn’t like him anymore which made me kind of sad.

I wanted to think that way too -- that he’s a total idiot and all -- but I know how it feels. I’m that kind of person who knows how to empathize with other people so much, it’s creepy. Yes, I am aware that I lie a lot -- my mum’s said it herself -- but that’s not the reason why I am not bashing Lance Armstrong. In fact, I admire him even more, because he still had the guts to fact the whole world and say, “Hey, I doped.”

It’s quite hard to be in his shoes right now, mainly because everyone’s making jokes out of his admission, and perhaps 90% of the whole world thinks he’s crap. It’s hard lying too much and not feeling guilty. I’ve lied countless of times and looking back, I feel guilty. Whether it’s big or small, important or not, I still feel guilty. And it’s even harder admitting that you’ve lied, because people will look down on you and judge you.

What’s harder is gaining the trust back. Gaining the trust from every single person in the cycling society, every fan, every sports fanatic… that’s like describing how water tastes like, because it’s just that complicated. Lance will need to prove himself to the whole world that he’s not a liar anymore -- hopefully what he says now is true.

Don’t get me wrong; I also feel disappointed and kind of betrayed that Lance Armstrong doped. I just hope he’s okay now. 

Day 9 of 365

What you think when you hear the words “be yourself”

I think it means sticking to your beliefs, views, and passions in life without minding what others think of you. It’s giving no damn, no fuck, no time for people who will crush you and destroy you for being… you. 

Being yourself also implies, I believe, that you should be truthful to yourself. If you don’t like a certain thing but everyone else likes it doesn’t mean you should force yourself to like it. If you like a certain thing but everyone hates/doesn’t like it doesn’t mean you should stop liking it. You’re you, and getting influenced with stupid opinions will be such a waste.

When I hear those two words, I feel motivated. I feel raised up by some positive force and a voice tells me that there will be people in the near future who will want to be me because I’m me. I have this craving of changing the world someday soon (I think I mention this all the time) and I know that being myself will help me get there.

Day 8 of 365

Things that make you sad

I really don’t like to go into detail, so I think I should do this, bullets edition.

• Mondays
• Coffees that don’t taste good
• Green tea-flavoured ice cream
• Home works
• Sunday evenings
• Insomnia
• Realising that your parents are going to die soon (aka reality)
• Knowing that your best isn’t good enough for other people you really, really like
• Getting low grades
• Wasted efforts
• People not appreciating what you did just for them
• Making people cry
• Being the reason why someone’s sad
• Accidentally saying something that’s not supposed to have been said because it would hurt the person
• Parents arguing
• My weight
• My so-called ‘friends’

To sum it all up, I think 40% of my life makes me sad. I hope it reduces this 2013.

Day 7 of 365

Something you would like to change about yourself

I’m no beauty queen, I’m just beautiful me… ♫

This is often asked to contestants in beauty pageants… and I love beauty pageants. I posted about my opinion on Miss Universe 2012 in tumblr a few months (months, weeks, I don’t know) ago and I was happy because it got fifteen notes. 

So, I’d be a big, fat liar if I’d tell you that I wouldn’t change a thing about me because I’m happy with what God has given me. No, that’s not how it works. I am insecure about myself, most especially my weight.

To be honest, I find myself beautiful. My skin’s like Snow White (that’s what they all say), and my straight brunette hair is something my sister wants to have. My height’s kind of small but I don’t make a big deal out of it. My face is kind of beautiful but people make me feel ugly, so I’m starting to believe them more than myself. Sigh.

I would like to change my height and weight. I wanna be about 5”5’ by the time my puberty phase ends (I’m only 5”2’ for a fourteen year old!), and I want to be healthy. A waistline of 25-27 cm would be satisfying for me already. 

Hopefully this 2013, I’d be able to stick to my diet so I can finally lose weight. I believe that I’m determined and well-driven enough to accomplish this! 

Day 6 of 365

A show or a movie that has changed you, and how

I haven’t watched any show or movie that has changed me. Harry Potter didn’t change me, mainly because I ‘lived it’ -- I was a fan since I was aware of its existence, which was about 10 years ago. That movie helped me shape who I am today, and I’m thankful.

I’m a bookworm, and I’ve read lots of books that have inspired me, and have changed my views on certain things. But there was this one book I’ve read 5 months ago that has changed me totally. It was none other than The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I know that I’m being irrelevant here, but honest, I really haven’t seen any show or movie that’s changed me!

Anyway, The Perks is an epistolary novel, and it revolves around a fifteen-year old wallflower who hides his real identity with the name Charlie. As he starts his freshman year in high school, he meets two seniors named Patrick and Sam who helps him explore his surroundings: sex, drugs, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and love.

I loved how it was written in a letter form, because it was completely new to me. Reading it was the best. My writing style and the way I see things changed. I’ve stopped swearing more than I used to whenever I’d write blog posts. I’ve become more understanding when reading blogs that aren’t of my type. I’ve become a calmer and quieter person, and I’m glad I read the book.

The Perks was the first and only book I’ve reread, because I could totally relate to it. I really wish Charlie was real.

Interests

So I was scrolling through my tumblr dashboard, and I was reblogging things in my range of interest. I saw another user different from the other blogs I follow. It was Cj, a friend of mine who’s now a freshman college student. She was a fashionista, and she was a model. Cj posted a few photos of she and her friend modeling. I liked one of them, then I checked her blog. 

As I scrolled through her blog, I clicked on a few links on her sidebar. She had a lookbook account (you guys should check Cj’s lookbook, it’s quite lovely!), so I checked that, too. I may sound like a creeper but everything was just out of curiosity.

Then it came to me that not everyone has the same sets of interests. That amazes me -- call me shallow but whatever -- you know, that there are these people like me who like blogging, and on the other side of the world (or maybe other corner of the street), there are a few who like writing songs. 

The thought of having about different and unique 7 billion people here on this planet is just bizarre, if you try to make a big deal out of something that seems so ‘normal’. Knowing that there are humans that have the same body parts as you but contain different thoughts, different interests, and different perceptions… it’s amazing how we were all created differently and not like robots who have the same settings and stuff.

Yes, I can be weird and shallow. But making me think deeper about something average fuels my imagination and creativity, so it’s kind of an advantage for me. I hope this post helps you make your brain think ever further, because I believe that thinking about unusual and not-so-ordinary things can help you be more creative! :-)

Day 5 of 365

Something you would change about the world

Whenever I’d drown in my thoughts, the exact same thing would cross my mind. Seriously. I have this passion of wanting to change the world someday. I don’t know how I’d do it, but I will do anything to do so. 

I think if I had things my way, I’d change the whole world’s standard of being ‘good enough’ and ‘perfect’. In fact, I’d probably have to erase the usual definition of ‘perfect’ from their minds. For me, perfect means loving yourself beyond your imperfections and being yourself whatever happens. I would change the world’s perception of ‘sexy’, and ‘beautiful’ too. 

It’s funny because Who Says by Selena Gomez and The Scene is playing as I type this. The song takes all the things out of my mouth about this issue perfectly; the issue of being ‘good enough’. I’ve been through those days of pure agony… and I’d be a liar if I were to say that I’ve surpassed that phase. I haven’t, to be completely honest. I don’t think I’ll ever will. 

I hate it when people find small waists, perfectly waxed legs, and a face with makeup beautiful. It’s just so annoying to think that people always base it on looks, when in reality we can all look beyond that if we’re human enough! Seriously, this irritates me so much. Please don’t think that I’m raving about the standards of being beautiful because I’m really insecure. I admit that I’m insecure, but not as much as you think. I’m kind of pissed off with the fact that beauty can be beauty without brains and the inside these days.

I just want to remove everyone’s blindfolds and let them see what they’ve all been missing in life.

Retro Friday

Basically I got the title from one radio station’s theme today. I was in the school bus and the radio was on full volume. I completely hate it whenever the radio’s on full volume, I mean, we’re not that deaf to not hear what’s playing! And the songs suck because the radio stations are perfectly suitable for the masses. I’m not discriminating or anything, it’s just that I don’t like chav-like radio stations. I just don’t.

Anyway, in ‘Retro Friday’, the radio station -- I wasn’t able to get the name of the station -- would usually play songs way back, specifically those from the late 70’s and 80’s. And then it started playing songs that reminded me of my early years. I had kind of a flashback when I was a toddler and we were on a road trip. The songs that Mum and Dad played back then were being played in the radio. I felt nostalgic, and I knew I was happy during the time, because a smile formed from the corner of my lips as I remembered one of my first glory days.

I snapped out of my thoughts and remembered that people have these terms for each decade. Like they call the 60’s the hippie era, 70’s the retro era, 80’s the dance/disco/I have no idea era. And then I wondered, what would the future generation call this decade? That question was always stuck in my mind whenever we’d talk about the past. 

And then it hit me. They would probably call this the hipster era. Or the party era. Or the internet-addicted era. I really don’t know, but it’s quite interesting brainstorming.

Day 4 of 365

How you think your life would change if you achieved your dream

The thought of that makes me excited and giddy. Like I told you -- in case you read my blog --, I have very big dreams and I admit that I’m scared of my dreams. I’m scared that it’s too big, or too far for me to reach. I hate failure as much as I hate rejection. But the saying, “If you’re not scared of your dreams, then they are not big enough,” motivates me to stick to my dream. I love the fact that it’s our perception of what’s possible is limited, and not our dreams.

Anyway, I think that my life would change drastically and I would be very happy. I can picture myself waking up in the morning, and seeing a beautiful view of London from my apartment window. As I get up and prepare myself for work, I get the keys to my dream car and I leave the flat. Driving to work I can see myself smiling at strangers, and possibly helping out a few old people along the way, because I’m just that contented with my life. Then I enter my clinic and meet up with my patients. Ask them how their day’s been, or how they’re doing. They would probably sigh, or smile. And then after I work, I would go home and rest, and remember how everything… how all these things I’m now doing used to be a dream of mine a few years -- or a decade -- back. 

I know I can’t expect the exact same thing, because I know how life goes. It’s not like that. Life could either be not too well, or it could be shit. It’s up to you whether to see it as a blessing in disguise or not.

And I will try to fix you

I’ve been scrolling past my twitter timeline and I see people tweeting stuffs like how their day went, or perhaps how they feel smitten at the moment… the typical kind of things. Others -- including me --wanted to fast forward time to next next week, which is school fair (I’m pretty excited for that and I can’t wait to blog about that!). Some were emoting, and basically finding ways to be noticed by others. A few people’s tweets actually makes sense, if you were to ask me. Because sometimes I think that people tweet whatever crap comes to their mind or something.

Of course twitter wouldn’t be twitter without those #hashtags and trends.

 

I have two twitter accounts: one fangirl account (@shriekmalik), and one personal account (@idkjustine). Of course I find it embarrassing flooding timelines of acquaintances, so I made a personal account.

Anyway, the two sets of trends had the same top trend, which was funny because usually a telenovela-related trend would always top the Philippine trends. The top trend of the day was #WhatHurtsTheMost.

I wanted to blog about the trend, so there.There are a lot of things that hurt me, so I’m gonna rant and rave about it here. 

One thing that hurts me is when people reject or judge you without giving you a chance to show them who you really are. I think that’s how society is today, and it’s sick. I really don’t want people going all like, “She’s such a weird freak,” or whatever. I just don’t feel okay hearing such words. I know I shouldn’t let other people bring me down with whatever they think of me, but sometimes I just can’t avoid getting hurt. 

Another thing that hurts me is those people who see you as a choice or option when you see them as a priority. It’s unfair, don’t you think? That there are these people whom you care for too much but they don’t feel that way for you. And the fact that there are these people who prioritize you so much -- take your parents for example -- but you don’t. It makes me feel guilty sometimes.

Yup, I guess I’ve let it all out. I feel better now.

Day 3 of 365

What you think your reason for being here is

I skipped Day 2 (‘Something that’s illegal but you think it should be legal’) because I couldn’t think of anything, so I’m moving on to Day 3’s challenge. I’ve got to say, this is the most beautiful one yet.

What’s my reason for being here? I honestly don’t know, which is exciting! I love the fact that I existed without being given a list to do in order to fulfill my so-called ‘mission’ on Earth. I love the fact that it’s up to me to discover why I exist, and why I’m typing this right now.

Perhaps I have different purposes for different people, which is something cool. I think my main reason would be to inspire others. I love Steve Jobs and I look up to him so much. I’ve read his biography in 2011 -- it was one of the best books I’ve ever read -- and I was in awe. He’s inspired so many people, and I want to be like him. I want to inspire others through a well-driven cause, to change the world because of a simple passion… that would be lovely.

Maybe for those whom I love, my purpose is to make them smile as much as I can. Make them sad at least once in a while, so when I make them happy, they would miss the feeling of being happy.

For those who despise me, my purpose is to give them challenges and hardships, which will really make them stronger people. Despite the fact that I get on their nerves most of the time, I still think that they need me. Without me, they wouldn’t be the persons they are today.

I think the reason -- so far -- why I’m here for now is to find my purpose in life. Sounds exciting and fun, don’t you think? Don’t worry, I do not expect this adventure of mine to be a bed of roses; I expect something much, much more. I expect getting down and dirty, going on the verge of giving up, and basically enjoying it while it lasts.

I’m excited.

Day 1 of 365

Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days with a picture of yourself

This is a nice way to start this challenge! Well, for a fourteen year old, I have big dreams. I have dreams of being a scholar in a UK university when I graduate high school. I can see myself having booked a flight to the UK (fingers crossed!) and sharing an apartment with a family friend. Apparently, I can’t achieve that in a year, let alone looking for a university. I’ve been rummaging through the pages of google recently, trying to find full scholarships. I’ve bookmarked a few sites, and hopefully by the summer I can read them.

For the next 365 days -- 31,536,000 seconds -- I hope for the best. I hope to finally stick to my diet and lose weight. I am a very conscious person, and I easily get hurt when people say that I’ve gotten “fat” or “big”. I guess I’m that kind of person who cares too much about what others think of her.

I want to be a bit more carefree this year, like I’d give less damns. I want to be confident and happy. I don’t care what I’m supposed to do to be happy, but I’ll do whatever it takes. I want to be a better person, seriously speaking. People don’t take me seriously, mainly because I don’t take others seriously most of the time. It’s because I’m one prick who seems happy all the time in order to disguise her true emotions and feelings. I just don’t like letting others know that I’m going through this shit and that shit, because I don’t want them to sympathize; it feels like I’m giving them more worries to think about. I usually like dropping hints.

Going back, I plan on taking entrance exams in the top four universities in the Philippines: La Salle, Ateneo, UST, and UP. To be completely honest with you, UP isn’t my thing. It’s a state university, and I don’t think that UP’s the right school for me. I just don’t feel it as much as I feel UST or Ateneo. I just want to take the entrance exams for the sake of experience. I feel like entrance exams are like go-sees, like the ones I watch in America’s Next Top Model. Book four out of four, and you win. I feel challenged to step up to the game and take the entrance exams in the four universities. In my case, if I pass four out of four, then I can say that I’ve succeeded.

I hope that my last year in high school would be a very memorable, heart-warming, and unforgettable one. I hope not to be classmates with idiots, cunts, or sluts. I hope people would give me a chance to show them who I really am, even for the last year. And I hope I make more friends.

I really hope everything comes true. :-)

By the way, here’s a picture of me. Again.

PS, follow me on instagram: idkjustine !! I am kinda turning into an insta-freak (my term for a person who’s obsessed with instagram lol.) so yeah hahah. 

Hello.

I am having second thoughts on transferring here. Well basically, I’ve got a tumblr account, and I created a side blog with it which I use for personal thoughts and such. This blogspot of mine was totally revamped -- I deleted every post from summer ’12. I am currently deciding on whether to transfer all my tumblr posts here or not. It might take time, but I think it’s worth it.

Anyway, hi. I’m Justine. I am fourteen years old going fifteen this April 30. I’m a girl, in case you think I’m of the other sex because of my name. I like writing, reading, and knowing that I am more intellectual than kids my age. I am very sarcastic and I can seem “dumb” and “mean” if you can’t handle my degree of sarcasm. I am very conscious about my appearance and I take criticisms to heart. I can be a hypocrite sometimes, which is inevitable, because we’re humans. I pee, shit, and make mistakes -- just like you. 

I like to think that I’m a creative and different person. I have a thing for Europe, more specifically the UK. I have interests different from kids my age, and I have different opinions on certain things. I like strong debates and I like talking a lot. I like expressing myself without having to worry about what others think of my opinion.

Picture above is how I look like, in case you’re wondering.